Anorexic to GBR triathlete

WOO HOO IT’S BIRTHDAY AND TIME OFF 

So, my wife and I are shattered - it’s been a crazy busy few months and finally we have in our sights time to rest and enjoy each other as well as hanging out with our friends and family. We so need this just to breathe, reassess and be us aside of our business, time for quality time and time to be us.

Ahead of time off I face a few challenges so I can relax and enjoy myself. Number one is sorting out a training plan that works in my head and doesn’t ruin quality time with Sarah. It’s a fine line, between what Charlie can cope with, what keeps me Tri fit and what means that quality time with my wifey, friends and family isn’t ruined either. The bottom line is, I need routine and out of that I struggle, so it’s about adapting before the change happens, so I can cope with it and enjoy downtime, rather than enduring it.

This year for my birthday I decided that I wanted to hang out with my friends in Norwich, rather than heading to Essex, where my family is. I don’t do massive groups of people well and after years of not being at home, I chose a weekend where I hung out with my closest and just chilled out, no massive groups, no silly expense, just relaxed and me.

One thing I am learning is to find my voice, to understand what works for me and run with that. I am conscious that my continual need to plan, to organise things down to the last letter can put a strain on my marriage – not that Sarah would ever say that. I just know that the niggling voice in the back of my head, to continually push myself, hit my rings on my watch etc. needs to shut up and be ignored on occasions so I can enjoy each moment as it comes.

I have to say that I have had one of the best birthday weekends ever and my actual birthday was amazing, just so me. Serving at church early doors, brekkie with family, then paddle boarding and open water swimming with family and friends, followed by takeaway with some of my closest buddies. It was one of those dream days where you wouldn’t change anything! A day where I didn’t worry what I ate and drank, but just chilled out, laughed till my sides hurt and talked till my jaw hurt. These days are rare and that’s what makes them so precious.

I would like to say that everything has been plain sailing since then, but that would be a lie. Monday morning arrives and I sleep in, bang goes the plans of a gym session, gone the training plan in my head as today it’s about my mum and dads wedding anniversary. So instead, it’s about taking a deep breath, reassessing my goals and cutting myself some slack, a run turned into a run walk, thanks to the heat and a planned training session dumped, so I don’t take over the whole day.

I am proud of me as I got my head around it and making their day special was more important than my personal needs. I was born on their first wedding anniversary, so often they fly under the radar, but they have been married 45 years, so they needed a day, even if it was a day late! I am also realising that a day off plan, doesn’t equal disaster, but its healthy to back off a bit sometimes, live life and recover.

Today was a different story though  . We had money to sort out, flights to book for the world championships and apartments to finalise. There we sat in our lounge sorting it with my mum and dad and as we did, I could feel myself getting more and more stressed, to the point I just needed to go and train. Not ideal as my angst meant my wife rather than coming with me to the gym, stayed home as I was too ratty. I literally had to get out and let off some steam or I would have self-combusted. In that mindset it’s hard not to leave a trail of destruction and I had to steel myself.

After kicking my own butt in the gym and pool, I could finally breathe and messaged my wife my apologies. I love her so much, but at times my coping mechanism can shut her out and leave her feeling rejected. Thankfully she knows me well and rarely gets offended as she knows that in letting me go, I will come back a better version of myself. Today that was more important than ever as we were going away for two nights of us time and neither of us needed me like a caged lion!

 So far today has been amazing, from the time I came home and arrived at one of our getaway places. We have chilled, talked and are ready to crash. My only sad feeling here is that to get to this point, I needed to spend time away from her. We all have our own demons though and sometimes we just need to deal with them, in our way, so we can be our own best version of ourselves! No one said that it would be easy, but we have to choose our hard and I will always try to tackle my weaknesses head on, so they don’t hold power over me.

Today is a new day and another scorcher, but despite that the planned run still took place, albeit I changed it to an interval session, as I couldn’t face just continually running in the heat today. Herein lies the battle though, how do I reconcile with myself that training less than I wanted to for a second time this week doesn’t mean disaster? How do I make sure I don’t ruin today, because I haven’t hit my own targets? What do I so to make sure that I still enjoy quality time with Sarah, without stressing and being agitated?

I wish I had all the answers to those questions, but I don’t. What I have done though is have an honest conversation with her, I have voiced how I am feeling and in doing that it’s no longer something I am carrying on my own. It doesn’t mean battle over, but it does mean that I have an outlet and that together we can deal with my feelings and as a team have a fab day.

This week I would like to challenge you. What is it that you need to choose to change and be honest about, to become the best, you, you can be? What are you going to do this coming week to move forward? You got this, just keep taking baby steps and you will get there!