Anorexic to GBR triathlete

HOW TO LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES AND AVOID BURNOUT …

This week hasn’t been the easiest and I am realising that it’s because I am heading towards burn out and need to put the reins on to stop myself hitting the deck! I may have had some time off recently, but throughout this break, Sarah and I have been under stress from several areas and that constant nagging anxiety, has never really gone away.

When I function under stress, my sleep is disturbed, I struggle to keep on top of my eating and the desire to over train is heightened. This means that although I wasn’t 100% the week before last, I didn’t take the time off my body needed and just kept pushing through. I knew eventually that would catch up with me, even though I like to think that I am invincible!

Finally last week we got a very important email and the relief of that left us both absolutely spent. I find it’s only when the anxiety is lifted that my body stops, and I certainly feel like I have been hit by a bus this week! In fact running earlier I thought my legs belonged to someone else, it was like running through treacle.

In the midst of this, I got to see my little sis, she lives in Canada and I hadn’t seen her for over a year! It was a mad dash to London to celebrate her 40^th after work on Saturday. You can never underestimate the power of a hug and a conversation with someone who knows you better than you know yourself.

I am going to admit a fair bit of alcohol was consumed and for someone normally 100% in control, I let my guard down. I am learning that it’s okay to do that, no one is going to self-combust and the world isn’t suddenly going to fall apart! That we all need to give ourselves permission to breathe, take off the masks we wear and just BE! No one is perfect and has it all together all the time and for someone that seeks to always keep pushing herself, this is a valuable lesson that I am learning.

So, the question is, how can I stop myself crashing and burning, when I have a business to run, races to train for and a house to run?

I am not going to lie, I haven’t exactly managed it that well and yesterday reached a point that I was full to the brim and anything else thrown at me, would have caused me to lose it! On Monday, my wife and I ended up taking the afternoon and evening off, thanks to a shocking journey back from my parents and us both feeling unwell. When I am tired my body lets me know, by making me feel sick! We attempted to have a chilled evening, with an epic fail, due to some stressful news, which meant the planned early night didn’t happen and a good night’s sleep eluded us.

This is when the joys of being self-employed really kicks in. Tuesday I worked a 12 hour day and by Wednesday when the alarm went off to go swimming I wanted to cry. Most people may give themselves a pass and lay in for a few more minutes, not me though, I had a schedule for training and needed to stick to it. Consequently, instead of the swim setting my day up well, it was rushed and I felt more stress than before I started. In fact I left Sarah a voice message telling her that today I was done with people! (not good for a personal trainer and sports therapist)!

The good news is she knows me well, told me to get a grip of myself and to remember why we do the job we do. Pointing out that people were not my problem, the fact that I was tired was the issue. I can’t say that suddenly I felt better, but I was able to put my head back on its shoulders and focus on the clients I had in.

I also had coffee with a friend I have met through teaching spin and it was good just to chat and be real. That also reminded me that I am not a quitter and in fact what I do is push to be the best. They also made me realise that in putting myself out there and being real, it is what helps others to be real themselves and talk about their own problems.

So back to the original questions, what do I do to avoid burn out and keep spinning all the plates? The good news is I have realised to do all of the above I need to plan, factor downtime in, training time and space to just BE!

So, over the next few days Sarah and I have carved out time to just hang out together, to shut the rest of the world out and just be us. Knowing that time is there gives me a brilliant focus and gives me something to look forward to. I also gave myself a pass on swimming today and took time to sleep having already planned out next week’s training plan, to include tapering for my next race. In conjunction with this, I have put some time boundaries in at work and moved clients over the next couple of days so I can finish work earlier.

For someone who is recovery from eating disorders, I am proud of myself that in the midst of the chaos, I haven’t defaulted from my eating plan and I haven’t over trained. Trust me it’s not been easy and each day I have had to make a conscious decision to not allow my circumstances to knock me off course. I have had to take a step back and make positive decisions to give me the time I need to fully recover.

I know this week hasn’t been my best, but I am learning that it’s okay to not always be okay. That each day is a new opportunity to learn and grow. That we all have seasons like this and it’s how we come through them that is important! That I am enough and so are You! That with a good support crew we can move forward and stop ourselves from self combusting! That when we feel ourselves falling it’s important to apply the brakes. To ASK ourselves how we are? ASSESS the situation and ADJUST what we need to, to be the best us.