Anorexic to GBR age group athlete

THE GIRL IS BACK!

So, it’s been a while since I last wrote my newsletter, it’s not because I haven’t wanted to but sometimes life gets a little bit overwhelming and trying to stay afloat is the most important thing for us. Personally the start to 2025 hasn’t been the one that I had planned on in fact so often life is like that, we have big dreams, lots of good intentions but when curve balls are thrown in we just need to breathe, take it one step at a time and back ourselves, trusting that all will be okay.

I am not a glass half empty girl, but the last few weeks have tested me on so many levels and I have learnt that sometimes it’s okay to batten down the hatches and just look after number 1. I have never doubted that I have a God who is for me, that can turn the impossible into possible, but I have realised that in the storm it’s important to hang on. My wifey bought me a sweatshirt for Christmas that said, ‘Stronger than the Storm’, I can tell you that I have needed to read and wear that several times, to speak its truth into my life and keep on moving forward.

We are all on a journey and it has its twists, turns, highs and lows. One thing I am very grateful for is an amazing group of friends who are there in all seasons, who never judge, never criticise but always encourage me to be the best I can be even when I doubt myself. 

My wifey and I are each other’s anchor, our safe place and to each other we are always enough despite how we may feel as individuals. Over the last few weeks we have both had moments where anxiety has set out to derail us, where old habits have pulled us back and it’s been hard to stand still in an ever changing landscape. 

In the last few months it has been increasingly difficult for Sarah to PT because of various health issues that have been heightened due to arthritis and a meniscus tear in her knee. Consequently we have made the decision for her to step out of our PT business for now. Sometimes we need to draw a line in the sand to move forward.

The journey to her decision to step back hasn’t been an easy one and has impacted her mental health as she has felt like a failure. In turn I have been getting my head around taking a business on by myself rather than with my partner in crime. A transition which hasn’t been easy, but at the same time it’s the right one and my wife and her health will always come first. 

Personally, I have felt guilty as I haven’t, on occasions made this the easiest decision for her to come to as I didn’t want to let our dream go, on the flip side I know that this move will enable her to thrive and be the best her. Plus we are viewing this as a comma rather than a full stop! No one knows what the future holds, but I do know a God that does!

So, what does Charlie do when she is unsettled? How does she handle change? What is her default button? What helps her cope? I would like to say by staying calm, keeping on track with eating, not overtraining and seeing the positives, but I would be lying!

The Church we go to has a word for the year, this year its … ‘CHOOSE JOY’. I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes this has been difficult and I have had to have several words with myself to remind myself to look up, not down. In fact today is a classic example;  I was talking to my wife after church about how I was feeling like a failure as I am not finding plot easy to eat enough and not overtrain at the moment. She said to me, you are doing exactly the opposite to what Church was about today, you are looking down not up! Look up and see how far you have come and focus on where you are going.

Being brutally honest the last six weeks, I have struggled to keep my head above water. The battle in my mind over staying on track with my eating whilst not over training has been unreal and each morning I have had to make a choice to fight for me, to stay on track and remind myself of where I have come from and where I don’t want to go back to. I haven’t always won the battle, but I have never quit and each day is a new day and doesn’t need to be defined by the day before, nor does the start of a day have to ruin the rest of it.

Lets take last Friday as an example of how pushing through and changing our confession can alter the outcome at the end of the day. The day started badly, I forgot my laptop, my diary and my watch charger. I put my watch on outdoor run instead of swim during my swim training session and I had cocked up my diary so had no time to train, all of this before 8am!! One of my friends suggested that instead of Charlie trying to ‘stay calm and breathe’. I chose to ‘do calm and breathe’ instead, and say that ‘stuff may have happened this morning but it doesn’t need to define my day’. 

Taking her advice I took a step back, squeezed in a quick 4km run and agreed to train with some clients. At the end of the day I had got two new clients, trained well, eaten what I had planned to and got home on time for a lovely evening with my wifey. I went home in a much better headspace than I left it in and I am learning to feel proud of myself for the small wins.

When the storms come I am encouraging myself to focus on the positives and start to change my default of failure thinking to success thinking. When I am struggling to juggle my emotions, work and home life I am daily having to decide to stand still, breathe and a take a step forward. 

I was recently challenged by this truth that - 

YOUR LIFE MOVES IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR STRONGEST THOUGHTS!

I am not saying that suddenly at a flick of a switch we can change our current mindsets and thoughts, but we can choose to take captive the negative voices and lean into the positive ones. Overtime our default button will start to change although it’s important not to beat ourselves up when we struggle to do this. Rome wasn’t built in a day but over time, and I know that for now I just need to take a day at a time, live in the moment and do the BEST that I can and that is enough!

So this girl is back, more open and vulnerable than she has been, hoping that this will help someone else to become their best version of themselves and chose to confront their own personal demons. FREEDOM lies on the other side of working through stuff that makes us feel uncomfortable, our greatest struggles can become our victory story and our weaknesses can become our strengths!