Anorexic to GBR athlete

THE GIRL IS BACK!

So it’s all been a bit quiet as I have taken time out to breathe, re-group and enjoy a well-deserved holiday in Tenerife with my wifey and parents. It’s the first two-week holiday I have had without racing for several years.  We have been back just over two weeks and I must be honest that it’s not been the easiest return to normal with both of us being poorly, but now we are back into the daily routine and I am planning my training for the off season, whilst Sarah is embracing her new job and thriving.

When away I had time to think away from the busiest of normal life and want to share with you something that I realised – it’s amazing how sunshine, rest and space help us see where we have come from and highlights the areas that we still struggle with.

I am aware that at times I struggle to break free from an anorexic mindset and the anxiety around hitting training goals and exercise rings is something I deal with daily. (Although when away they were pushed more to the background as I was more relaxed.)

However, taking time to reflect I realised that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for and have a determination that I am proud of. When I look back, I have been through an abusive marriage that resulted in me moving away from my family and friends to escape. I moved with nothing but my car and had to give up a job and ultimately a business that I loved. Then the friend that I thought was my safety net at the time also abused me - something I have only come to terms within the last year or so.

Job wise I have had to fight to be where I am. My first job full-time job after moving was being an instructor at a special needs school and I loved it! I got the job after being a supply instructor at the school for several months. Sadly I was bullied by a head as were several other staff. This ultimately left me an emotional wreck, battered, bruised, broken and jobless as I had to leave the role I loved to save my mental health.

I know though that God works all things for good and I ended up returning to my role as a Personal Trainer, Sports Therapist and Group Exercise instructor. I can tell you it’s not been an easy path and in an industry that can be brutal I have fought to make my mark and in lockdown when others lost their way, I thrived and saw Gods favour.

On the other side of lockdown we were blessed by amazing premises to create our studio – a space where people can come and train, talk, get fixed physically as well as mentally. We have built a community where people are safe to be themselves and part of a crew that supports each other.

Over the last 25 years I have had three businesses that I have had to walk away from, for various reasons and last year nearly lost our own business due to financial pressure. God has been faithful though and with Sarah stepping back from the business I have had to dig deep and make my own mark. Finally, I am in a position where I can breathe but in the darkest moments I have had to dig deep and keep pushing as the word ‘QUIT’ is not in my vocabulary.

In the last four years I have also walked the hard road of being a Christian who has chosen to marry a woman. It took Sarah and I months of soul searching to realise that it was okay to be in love and that we were loved and awesome just as we were in Gods eyes. We also read an amazing book called ‘UNDIVIDED’ written by VICKI BEECHING, which gave us peace and freedom to marry and be as one.

It’s certainly not been an easy journey and we have lost friends who have judged us and faced disappointment from our parents in the process. Thankfully they love us both to bits now and support us in all things having walked their own journeys to acceptance. We also have an amazing bunch of friends and an awesome crew at church that we love serving on team with and doing life with.

I am not going to lie as sometimes we still struggle with feeling judged at times, but we will always choose GRACE! Going against the norm isn’t always easy and there are challenges to be faced but that’s okay as we are all learning. Personally I wouldn’t change a thing and I am so blessed to finally be in a relationship where I am loved, cared for, supported and encouraged to be my BEST ME!

I love writing this blog and I hope that through being honest it can encourage others to tackle their own battles and find the strength to make the tough decisions. I am also looking to change the title to ‘Broken to GBR Triathlete’ as I know that anorexia is just one battle of many that I have and are working on overcoming. I have been broken, bruised, battered and yet here I am now a GBR triathlete, business owner, friend, wife and daughter.

I also know that so many of us face our own battles and I want you to know that even if you are feeling overwhelmed and like you are sinking, you have this! Sometimes the walls in front of us seem insurmountable, but by taking one step at a time and choosing to face our battles and not run from them we can get there. Maybe not as quickly as we want to and there will be ups and downs, but WE CAN GET THERE!

I want to close this week’s blog with a comment from Serena Williams which resonates with me.

“Over the course of your lifetime, there’s going to be setbacks and challenges that force you to pause to look inward and listen to the voice that says, ‘You can do it.’ It’s your job to keep your feet on the ground in those times of self-doubt, because those moments teach us how to fly, to believe in yourself and they teach you to recognise an opportunity and act on it without fear.”

NEVER BE AFRAID TO BE YOU! TO FACE YOUR FEARS AND THRIVE!