Anorexic to GBR triathlete

RACE WEEK IN RETROSPECT – YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!

So, I have been a little bit quiet recently, but I have taken time out, to re-charge, re-group and reflect on the race itself and the emotion of it all. It’s been a complete whirlwind, but the dust is beginning to settle and this week I have returned to the normality of work, which has been a bit of a culture shock and very full on. I can now look back at the Worlds and finally put into words how emotional it was, the highs, the lows and most importantly what I learnt about me.  

From the moment we landed in Malaga, up until the race day, it was completely manic and slightly overwhelming at times, I had to remind myself that I had earned the right to be there and whatever the result of the race, I was more than enough! We arrived at our apartment late Tuesday evening and were blown away by how amazing it was; spacious, clean, well equipped and perfect for us. The beds were comfy and the view was stunning.

Wednesday morning came and we awoke to rain, which quickly lifted. I awoke slightly anxious and had to focus on what was important, that I was here with my wifey and parents, I had an awesome support crew at home and I was here to give my best and as long as I did that it didn’t matter! There was also the little issue of picking up my bike and hoping that it was in one piece. I was also aware that I needed to keep my eating on track as losing it at this point, would not be great race prep! (My wifey was brilliant here and was one step ahead of the game, making sure we got a quick food delivery of things that I liked and would eat)

The day itself went in a whirlwind and had a few little hiccups, I had a mini breakdown when I collected my bike and the wheel wouldn’t go back on properly and there was no pump to do my tyre. Sarah kept calm and reminded me that God had it covered – she was right as a very kind mechanic who was in charge of renting bikes at the expo where I had to register, fixed the issue and pumped the tyres, even though he shouldn’t have - I think he could see the panic in my face!

Once I registered reality began to set in, it’s just so surreal queuing up alongside so many other nationalities, I don’t think that feeling will ever change. It was a mixture of being proud to be there combined with sheer panic that I was good enough. Following registration, I took my bike out for a spin around some of the course and ended up cycling with a total stranger, chatting about the upcoming race and our own personal journeys to the start line. I was so overwhelmed that I forgot to ask her name or what country she was from 

Fast forward from here to the opening ceremony that evening, which is truly a sight to behold and is extremely emotional as so many people line the streets to see you. Little old me, a normal person, who has had her battles, but has managed to be part of this team! It was awesome to meet up with old friends and new friends too, to walk proudly side by side and know that as individuals we had done the hard work in getting there and now it was about having fun, putting it all out there and celebrating us! I had to laugh as my wifey and mum couldn’t get to us in time because they got caught up shopping, next thing I know my dad was in the parade with us, to make sure we didn’t lose each other, but he had pride written all over his face - that his daughter was part of this team and in that moment I felt slightly overwhelmed; I made him proud just by being there and I needed to remember that whatever the result was on race day! 

The next 48 hours were a complete whirlwind, I came back from the parade to a decorated house full of GB Flags and an awesome dinner cooked by wifey. On Thursday the parents and I headed to watch the sprint competitors and I had a blast cheering my fellow athletes on, as well as bumping into people I knew such as a lovely lady, called Lisa who had to pull out due to injury, but she was so encouraging and reminded me that in qualifying I deserved my place and to celebrate that! As I watched the other athletes perform that day, the nerves were mounting, but I could taste the finish line and the feeling of success and I wanted that.

Friday bought a whole new bunch of challenges as we had team briefing, where it was confirmed that one of our athletes had died in the sprint race of heart failure, a Mexican man had also lost his life the same way. As a team, we stood together and it made me realise how important it is to treasure every moment and give it your best as you never know what is around the corner. I think amidst the sadness and shock in the room, most of us were determined to go out and do our best in honour of him.

Following this the weather meant that we couldn’t rack our bikes or complete our swim rec, which set a few of us in a spin. However, in true triathlon style a few of us headed to the beach together and completed our own swim rec, practising our running dives into the sea. I ended up borrowing Lisa’s wetsuit and Debbie’s goggles and swimming hat as mine were at our apartment! A team of strangers coming together to help each other; moments like this are precious and make you realise you are not in it alone!

Friday evening was when the nerves really kicked in and my wall of ‘YOU GOT THIS’ quotes came into full effect, so did the bible verses my friend had been sending me daily to remind me that I had this and that God had me. As I packed I listened to music and just did what Charlie needed to do to get ready; breath, focus and keep remembering that ‘I was enough!’ I focused forward to the gun going off and hitting the water, as I knew that that was the moment that race head Charlie kicked in.

I managed to sleep most of the night, even if I did go through the race 100 times in my dreams! When the alarm went off I rolled into my wifeys arms, had the biggest hug and she just said, ‘I am proud of you, I love you, now go and do what you are good at’. She knows me so well and her self-belief in me is always unwavering, as is my parents. It didn’t stop her from jumping in the front seat and leaving me and my parents in the back of the large cab with my bike, because it didn’t fit in the boot with the wheel on!

As I entered transition that was the moment it sunk in that I was here, today was an accumulation of all my hard work and it was in my gifting to perform at my best. The hour before the race is swallowed up by bike racking, numerous toilet stops, figuring out entry and exit into transition and hugs with other members of the team, who are equally nervous. Conversations go past in a blur and I often find myself as an outsider looking at myself, whilst trying to engage in conversation. I am conscious of all that can go wrong and that runs through my head, up until gun time.

 When the gun went I charged into the sea and quickly found my rhythm and as I settled in I began to overtake swimmer after swimmer, my stomach settled and I started to breath. I struggled to spot the buoys in the water, but I followed the crowd and hoped for the best. Exiting the water and into transition the crowds are overwhelming and hearing people shout my name always takes me by surprise, but I felt good, focused and ready for the bike leg ahead of me.

I was conscious to stay in control and handle my bike well around the corners, trying to remember to shout, ‘On your left’, rather than ‘On your right’! It’s quite scary as well as surreal on a course that is full of cyclists and seeing so many people of different nationalities is surreal! I passed a few accidents which took me straight back to when I crashed and I had to take a moment to breathe and re-focus, I felt good and kept making myself fuel up on Haribo, as I knew I needed the energy for the run.

Coming into the final transition to hit the run course was when the battle in my head started to rage, the self-talk was bordering on defeatist as I knew this was the tough leg for me. I really had to have a word with myself and started to chant in my head, ‘you got this, you are strong, you are powerful, you are awesome, you are enough!’ The course was brutal and at 7km athletes in my group came past me, I was hot, my feet hurt and I wanted to walk, but I am no quitter and I may have been struggling but I am not weak. The support on the course was outstanding and my family and friend Lisa were opposite ends of the course shouting my name and it spurred me on.

As I headed to the finishing straight, I had nothing left, I was done. Crossing the line, I had a real moment when I realised that ‘I WAS enough!’, that ‘I was proud of me’ , that I had fought for this one! If I could bottle that moment I would. I set out and achieved my aim, mid table and not the last BRIT!

My race was testimony to an amazing support crew, hard work and a determination to keep on going. So my advice to you is ..

NEVER QUIT ON YOUR DREAMS! YOU ARE ENOUGH AND YOU HAVE GOT IT!