Anorexic to GBR Triathlete

TAKING TIME JUST TO BE!

So often we throw ourselves into work and the treadmill of life to such an extent that we don’t have time to take a step back and think or re-group. The last few weeks have been a blur with so many changes and the constant niggle in my brain over food and training. At times it becomes exhausting and I have wanted to shut the world out and stop the clock, to stay at home wrapped up in the comfort of my bed and my wife’s arms. When you are self-employed this is not an option – I have an awesome hoodie that says ‘I don’t want to adult today’, I can tell you there have been several days when it would have been totally appropriate to wear!

To clarify its not that everything going on has been negative; in fact there have been lots of positive changes and times of fun and laughter with friends. It is just that I find change hard and choosing to face my demons isn’t easy either. It is much more comfortable just to bimble along and not challenge our way of doing things and keep a lid on the effect that being abused still has on me, but in doing that we don’t move forward and we can’t be free. Sometimes. No matter how hard it is we must choose to keep climbing up the mountain and believing that we will get to the top of it.

Sarah and I met 12 years ago on 24^th  March in Church as we had both begun to serve in the production team. As I arrived that morning I heard her tearing a strip off a guy who worked for her on a Monday to Friday but was training us up for our new roles on a Sunday. I quickly learnt that Sarah doesn’t like to be patronised and that she doesn’t have a subtle button in her body!

Despite that we hit it off immediately and I am not sure how anyone got a mic that service as we just chatted and chatted. Since that day we have spent very little time apart and quickly became Best Friends. If you had told me at that time that we would be married, have our own home and two baby fur balls I would have laughed at you. Although looking back now I met my soul-mate in that moment but it’s been a process to get where we are. I know that I would always choose her and she will always be enough for me! She is my due North and my safe space in the storms as well as the one person that I can completely be me with. I love making memories with her and she honestly can make me laugh until I cry, life with her is FUN!

This weekend we took time out just to be US and it was amazing! We booked a cheeky little break away to our favourite hotel and just hung out – she is my favourite person just to chill with and we never run out of things to say or do. It was lovely to wake up to no alarm, to walk along the river hand in hand and train in the gym alongside each other followed by a nice chill watching films and then in the spa pool. I rarely sit still but my wife knows me well - once I have trained and I am out of my own environment with no distractions I can relax.

We decided to once again put work on the back burner and just BE!  The only thing we did do was sort out the triathlon race calendar for the next few months, I can tell you it’s going to be full on! One thing we are learning though is how important it is make time for just us away from the world, time to connect and time to invest in each other. Battling the fight against an eating disorder that will not overcome me again alongside running a business and training as an athlete is not easy, but together we are stronger and as long as we are on the same page, ALL WILL BE WELL!

I was challenged by a friend recently when I was getting frustrated with myself and feeling like I was standing still. She asked me these two questions – 

‘Do you want to accept where you are at because if you do that is as far as you will get and that will be your limiting belief? ‘The second question you need to ask is ‘Are you going to put a limit on yourself?’

I can tell you that it made me sit up and think… My reply – 

‘I will never accept that I can’t move forward and get better the same way as that when I race I will never accept that I can’t improve! I need to remind myself that all things are possible!’

No one said it would be easy - facing our demons never is - but we must always remember that we are stronger than we think we are. I am going to finish this week’s blog with a poem I wrote a few years ago that reminds us that WE ARE ENOUGH!

 You

  You are more than a number,

You are more valuable than a dress size.

You are greater than your past,

You are stronger than your history,

You are more powerful than you know.

Your setback is the set up for your comeback!

You are made to be blessed,

To be loved;

To be a success and an overcomer –

Not someone who is defeated

But someone who is a winner!

Never doubt what you can do

Because you can do anything

You set your mind to.

You are strong,

You are unique

And everything that you need to be

The best you is already within you.

Always choose to look forward,

Not backwards;

Your future is bright.

There may be hurdles ahead of you

And battles to fight

But you can win them;

You can achieve your hopes and dreams

One step at a time.