Anorexic to GBR triathlete

WHEN THE BEST LAID PLANS CHANGE

So, I have always said that I will be upfront in my blog/newsletter and won’t sugar coat it, as there is no point in hiding behind lies. So, to be brutally honest this week has been really tough, and I have struggled and am struggling to keep my head above the water and keep on swimming. I am a fighter so the word ‘QUIT’ is not an option, although I have been tempted!

It all started to go pete tong when I developed a shoulder injury last week - just 3 weeks out from the biggest race of the season – The Age Group Triathlon World Championships This is not ideal! Thankfully I got an emergency appointment with a fellow sports therapist and although it’s not fixed, it is getting there, slowly but surely. It doesn’t take away the anxiety that it will be fully functioning in time but I just have to trust the process and remember that there is always codeine!

In conjunction with this, on Saturday I started to lose my voice, my wife thought it was hilarious as I sound like Macy Grey – it’s not so funny 5 days later!! Tonsilitis was certainly not on the cards for this week! It was meant to be my last full week of training before tapering (reducing training) for the Championships. I am also crazy busy trying to fit clients in before we are away for the competition in Spain. Being self-employed doesn’t mean I have the luxury of being paid whilst being off sick. Thank fully I do train a doctor and have a friend who could give me antibiotics suitable to help me, without needing the faff of making a doctor’s appointment.

So, on Monday morning I woke up at 6:30am, riddled with anxiety, as being unwell was not on the agenda! My brain was in full on panic mode. I have a Spinathon on Saturday, raising funds for my Championships attendance, and I am teaching 3 classes back to back. I had a training plan in place that I knew I couldn’t do as too poorly as well as a business to run and clients to take. To make it worse my wifey was also not 100%! It took all my effort to talk, let alone think about juggling everything else.

After changing a few of my clients around, I took some pills, waited for them to kick in and headed into work. In that moment, I had to calm myself and just take moment by moment. My default button is to not eat, train poorly and go within myself, I had to actively choose to fight against that instinct and behave differently. To be honest I felt so rough that I didn’t have the energy to fight with myself, or Sarah’s wise words about not training and recognise that I needed to eat to get well! Although in my screwed-up head that meant I was going to suddenly gain weight, but PT and sensible brain knew she was right and I needed to win the battle that raged in my mind.  

I must be honest this week has felt like trudging through mud and each session I have taken with people has been hard. Not only because trying to talk when you hardly have a voice is tiring, but because I never want people to feel that they don’t count, that a session is poor or not thought through. There have been moments when I have wanted to curl up on the floor in a blanket and shut the world out, but I have fought against that, and I am proud of me for doing so.

I am also aware that some of my clients have had their own personal battles this week and have needed a listening ear and some advice. It always amazes me, how when we choose to actively take the focus off ourselves and onto others, that we have a strength we never knew. It’s at times like this I am learning that it’s okay to not be okay, but it also doesn’t mean that you get to not help others. Being REAL is key and something I have to keep reminding myself about.

This week I have taken a step back and set myself some must do’s:

1. Eat three times a day, even if it’s not as much as normal. Consistency is key and keeps me from falling into old habits.

2. Limit my training to a maximum of 40 mins and make sure that it’s just ticking over for the head game, not to push the body further than I should.

3. Ignore the calories on my watch and its constant reminder that I am short of the calorie goal it has set me.

4. To take time out where I can and shuffle clients to give me later starts and earlier finishes.

5. To listen to my body.

6. To not take my anxiety out on my wife.

I would say that 9/10 I have managed the above and the times I haven’t I have chosen not to beat myself up about it as I feel rough enough, without that too.

In the midst of this, I am trying to get my head around the timetable for the Worlds as well as changing times for my bike to be dropped off to be taken to the race and juggling a diary with clients who are also unwell. My wife has been amazing and I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel as I am starting to feel better. All I need now is a voice and the energy for Saturday, so fingers crossed.

I want to conclude this weeks extract though with a little advice one of my clients gave me this morning. She said to me, despite how you have felt, you are doing this, so today this is my challenge – when people ask how you are, tell them – ‘I HAVE GOT THIS’. The full stop is the most important part here as that’s it, you got it!

What do you need to tell yourself you have got this week? No one said it would always be easy, but how we face our hard is important so we can continue to grow and be better versions of ourselves. This week may have thrown me, but it doesn’t undo a year’s worth of work and maybe I needed to do that thing I hate called REST?