Anorexic to GBR Triathlete

WHATS YOUR EXPECTATION?

So this week I have been challenged by several of my clients and friends on what I expect on multiple levels. I am entering one of the most nerve wracking, but exciting periods of the year, with the World Age Group Triathlon Championships just around the corner. The challenge is on to remain injury free, focused on training, being the best me to my clients, as well as organising and taking part in the last few fundraising events on the agenda.

My default button when juggling things and stress hits is to go into myself, reduce my eating and teeter on the edge of anxiety. I know this, so I am trying to change my thinking and behaviour and handle it better. This isn’t being helped by a niggling shoulder injury I have picked up, which is affecting me when it comes to training and my job as a Sports Therapist / masseur – thankfully I have an emergency appointment tomorrow, which should fix me.

However, lets go back to the question of expectation. I can expect these next few weeks to be stressful and handled badly by myself or I can expect this time to be different! How I decide to behave is correlates directly to the outcome. It’s about choosing my hard and that is something I am battling with.

Something happened early on in this week that I never thought possible and in that moment I realised that other peoples expectations of what I can achieve is so much more than I believe! As I stood on the side of the pool to start my latest race and final one before the Worlds, my aim was to give it my all and hopefully finish top 3. I was completely blown away by the result, I wasn’t just top 3, I won! This has never happened to me, and I am still gobsmacked, that little old me was a winner.

Following this result I had separate conversations with my wife, bestie and training partner who had all expected that outcome. The problem is I never feel good enough so to compute that they had that much faith in my ability was quite something! It also made me realise that my view of myself is still not a positive one and that is what I NEED TO CHANGE!

This week I have started to look at the start list for the Worlds as well as studying the agenda. I am not gonna lie, even looking at it I get butterflies and the imposter syndrome is real! I am trying to remain level headed and remind myself that I qualified for this race, so I deserve to be there and represent my country. My aim in this race, is to not be the last GBR athlete home and to finish mid table! Some may say I should expect more from myself as I am fitter and stronger than I have ever been, but I don’t want to be disappointed. A result better than that would be awesome, but I can’t picture that right now.

I had an interesting discussion with one of my friends this week, who asked me; ‘At which point do your nerves lift and the race head kick in?’ The answer is, ‘When the gun goes off and I am 100 metres or so into the swim’. So, her suggestion was that I focused on that moment in the lead up to the race and to focus on that, rather than the crippling pre-race nerves I sometimes get. To expect the gun going and me doing what I love, rather than focusing in on myself and getting lost in my own head. This is something I am currently working on!

Our self-belief is so important and can be the difference between achieving our goals or falling short. I read this quote from Hassan (an awesome and successful athlete) – ‘The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible.’

It got me thinking, every day I talk to clients about the power of the mind and how 99% of training, competing and reaching our goals is linked to the head game! I encourage them to dream big as I do believe that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. This week I saw a client who was told they would never walk without crutches following breaking their neck last year complete 3 full minutes on the cross trainer and walk the furthest they have unaided. Another client completed a full sit up, which for them was massive.

This has really challenged me. Why can I expect the impossible for others, but not myself? I think it’s because I have always struggled to believe that I am enough, just as I am. That I am a good triathlete, trainer, sports therapist and wife. My default is always to push more, to criticise my achievements and never feel good enough. This is something that I am working to change and I can tell you it’s not a comfortable place to be!

What we expect is crucial and it carries weight! If you expect little you get held back by the littlest setbacks and struggle to move forward. If you expect the best, even when setbacks come you are better equipped to overcome them and continue to move forward.

So my challenge to you and to myself this week is to,

RAISE YOUR EXPECTATION!