Anorexic to Triathlete

How did I move forward from this place? What changed to make me want to get well? Is it something that I have fully conquered?

 I remember the moment that I chose to fight to live, that I decided to dig deep and do all I could to get healthy. I arrived at my parent’s house for Christmas and my Dad opened the door. To this day I can see his face, the sadness, the worry and fear that he was going to lose his only daughter. That look made me rise up inside and choose to move forward, I was already in counselling but that was the point at which I decided to properly engage, to trust the process and take little steps to get better. To see the pain in the face of someone who I loved with all my heart was what I needed to realise how seriously ill I was.

Moving on from that moment I took little steps to get well, I started to eat a little bit more, to fuel better when I trained and tried to push past the overwhelming fear that in doing this I would once again become, - Charlie, the girl who was always introduced as being  ‘Big boned’. I had a great group of friends that supported me and an awesome Church that did all they could to help me navigate the journey.

Those initial weeks and months were hard and at times I felt broken, unable to cope, but there was something stronger within me that determined to keep moving forward. As a Christian, I had a faith in a God that loved me as I was and a knowledge that in trusting Him and bringing to Him my fears that I could continue to move forward.

At this time I started to set myself little challenges. I had always loved running, but I began to realise that I was quite good at it. In-order to achieve quicker times, to race longer distances I knew I needed to fuel better. In doing that by default it helped me cope with the increase of calories as I had a focus for it. It was a battle still, but one I was starting to conquer as my driver changed. I also began to unpack why I had become anorexic – more about that later on.

None of this was easy, in fact it was flipping hard! But I have always been determined and I wasn’t going down without a fight!

So to the final question, do I think I have finally conquered this disease, do I feel like I am in control at all times. The brutal answer is – NO! I do however have a handle on it and I will certainly never go back to the place I was in, as I have fought too hard to get where I am. On a daily basis I make a decision to stay fit, well and healthy. My driver as a PT and triathlete keeps me grounded. I also have an amazing support crew that keep me on track and remind me of WHO I AM! Each day is a choice and I will always choose life!