Broken to GBR triathlete

So following my last post I am pleased to say that the season has started well and that the hard-work has paid off so far with a 2nd place in the first sprint triathlon of the season and a win at the first aqua bike race of the season. Both races had their own difficulties and battles to be won in the mind. From a moment of anxiety 2 miles into the 3.1 mile run at the sprint event that caused me to feel sick and dizzy to being boxed in at the swim at the aqua bike on Sunday and having to go wide to regain clear water. I have realised once again how much a race is won or lost in the mind.

Last week my friend asked me when did the race head kick in at the first race of the season. I would like to say it was the night before the race and I was calm and confident, the truth is it appeared on length one of the 12 length swim, when I realised I had moved infront of the people in the lanes either side of me that on paper looked quicker than I was. When I felt sick, dizzy and overwhelmed on the run, the race head was the thing that helped me re focus and dig deep despite how I felt. (When I crossed the line my wife and bestie left me for awhile as I looked like I felt, that I was going to bring the contents of my stomach up!) Thank fully I didn’t and I was proud in that moment that I didn’t quit.

The thing is when doubt kicks in its easy for me to go back to a place in my head where I was fighting just to keep my head above the water, where the abuse I was experiencing had knocked all my confidence and I felt completely overwhelmed. However we have a choice in the moment to either let that hurt take from us who we are now or remind us that we are no longer in that place and remember who we are now!

It’s in these moments that I have to remind myself that I am intricately created with a plan and purpose, that I am unique and that self-doubt can be replaced by a quiet confidence in who I am now. I have to remember the races that have gone before and the concrete facts which show that performance wise I am better than I think I am. I have to focus on the dream that I had nearly 8 years ago to become a GBR age group triathlete and acknowledge that I am finally good enough and I have achieved that goal. This seasons aim is to make that dream bigger and move my way through the rankings to become one of the strongest girls in this team.

However I want to share with you one of the best things of the last two weekends and why I am so grateful that I believe in a God of miracles. For those of you that don’t know my Dad only came out of hospital in February following complications from a knee replacement in November that caused a psychotic breakdown. There were moments that we didn’t think he would ever be back to himself and had to face the possibility that he would need to go into a home. This weekend though he was there cheering me on and got to see me win! That is a moment that cannot be put into words and I am grateful beyond measure that he is fully back in the building.

I want to encourage you that even when your heart is overwhelmed and the road ahead seems impossible to take a deep breath, to choose to start again and know that each day is a new beginning. Dad being poorly took me back down a hole, but the good news is I didn’t stay there! There were moments when I wondered if I would get me back, if I would be strong enough to compete, to do the thing that I love. This season I am grateful to be competing again and I am not fully back to where I need to be but I am continuing to fight and working towards my dream.

In the darkest moments remember, ‘Who you are’ and know that you ‘make a difference’, that the world is a better place because you are in it!