An introduction to how my journey started.

Anorexic to GBR Triathlete

Welcome to my newsletter, where I hope you hear my heart behind it and the passion I have to give people hope, when it seems so far away, due to an illness that can be so crippling. If I had told my former self nearly 30 years ago, that they would be healthy, whole and competing for GBR in their age group in triathlon at an international level, I wouldn’t have imagined it.

My days were consumed with anxiety around eating training and losing weight, not that I understood that initially. Anorexia is a cruel disease, which creeps up on you and in my case was brought on by the trauma of my Nan dying and subsequently my Grandad developing Leukaemia. To me they were a major part of my world and with them I always felt accepted and good enough, with no hoops to have to jump through, this wasn’t how I felt in many places at that age, due to pressures from external sources. I never intended to lose weight and lose control, but for me eating and training quickly became the one constant I could control and to me it was a way of coping.

As I entered puberty, although active I was bigger than many of my peers and at home my mum and I often argued about my weight. As a fat child she was anxious that I didn’t follow in her footsteps and was constantly trying to make sure I wasn’t ostracised because of the size I was. Knowing what I know now, it was purely puppy fat, but I grew up tired of being introduced to people as this is my friend … ‘she is big boned’. Not the intro you wanted as a person who loved sport and was on the schools team for many a sport from swimming, to athletics, netball and cross country.

At the time when I felt that my whole world was spinning out of control, as I juggled my A- Levels, caring for my grandad, the same time as trying to be the perfect daughter, food became my safety blanket. As I lost more weight, psychologically I was enjoying the compliments, but the problem was I started to disappear down a rabbit hole of an unhealthy relationship with food. I got to a point where I lived off 2 bottles of WKD and a pack of Haribo to survive, whilst increasing my exercise more and more.

However, more about this later and the process it took for me to understand that I needed help in-order to stay alive. I would like to say that there is a magic remedy, that suddenly all the pieces fall into place and it’s something I never have to deal with again.

Nevertheless, the stark reality is that this isn’t the case and each day I still have to make a choice. To choose to stay healthy. To realise that what I want to achieve as a triathlete and personal trainer requires me to eat well and train hard. To stay injury free involves me choosing to listen to my body, to dig deep and remember ‘My Why’. To be the ‘BEST ME’, it means that at times its uncomfortable, but I must trust the process.

Some days this is easier than others, some times of the year, such as Christmas are still a struggle, as so much is focused around food and drink, whilst routine is thrown out of the window. In these times I am learning the importance of putting a plan in place, that keeps me on track and keeps me focused. I am also blessed by a supportive wife, who also happens to be my business partner. It helps to have someone by your side that at times understands you more than you understand yourself.

I qualified as a PT and Sports Therapist at 18 years old and in typical Charlie style, ignored the people around me that told me I should start work as a fitness instructor before becoming a self -employed PT. Their theory was that I was too young to cope with the pressure of self-employed life and the challenge to bring clients onboard.

 However, I have always been driven and I was given the opportunity of a company to work freelance for them in two gyms. I would like to say that in qualifying and making this my profession, that it solved all my problems. Sadly although I was quickly successful, the industry itself allowed me to fuel my unhealthy relationship with food and exercise. I quickly worked out how to overtrain, drop weight, whilst still holding together a good business. It’s amazing how many layers you can wear to hide how you look from others. In the midst of this the scales quickly became my measure of worth, even though looking back at the time I probably never admitted that to myself.